Its been a year. A year since covid started. A year of living life in a completely different manner than ever expected. A year of being a first time mom when you want all the help in the world in the beginning but can’t.
Chase was born the week before shut down. It was such an amazing happy time for our family. My parents and in laws were able to come meet him at the hospital and they came back to our house and visited the first couple days then that was it. All of our family lives out of town, so when shut down and the travel ban happened, no one could come visit. No one was able to come see this beautiful new precious life that we were so happy to share with everyone. It was hard. Very hard on Chad and I. No breaks but that’s okay. We learned our routine and I look back and dang I am so proud of us since we did the first 2.5 months with no help. PAT ON THE BACK!!!
One thing that I didn’t expect was the post partum loneliness. Since we were so isolated and couldn’t leave the house I was all alone all the time with Chase until Chad got home. With the crashing of my hormones, man I felt so lost and isolated. I cried a lot because I felt so lonely. I was very sad but then also excited to be with Chase. It was an emotional roller coaster. Yes we facetimed with people, but it was not the same as human interaction. We did not go anywhere. We were also so afraid to go anywhere because of the fear of bringing home germs to our fresh newborn with no immune system. It was so scary.
I’ll never forget the day too I told Chad I had the thought while driving today of just driving off the road and being done. I didn’t feel I was enough, I was overwhelmed, sad, lost, lonely, and a mess of hormones. It was a huge wake up for us. We spent a lot of time in the evenings talking about how I felt and what I could do to snap out of this funk I was in. We were both worried. I told him If I couldn’t use exercise, personal time for myself (even 20 min a day) or just being open and talkative to him, I was going to call my doctor. It was a scary time. I have always thought to be a mentally strong person but being a new mom and isolated due to covid really tested my mental strength.
I did give myself some me time each day. I worked out, and Chad and I had a lot of deep conversations. Lots of tears of sadness and joy. Honestly it brought us closer in our marriage. I am so proud of us and it made me really realize how much I depend on my husband. He has my back through thick and thin. I don’t know where I would be without him.
The effects of covid are changing the mental health of so many different people. I have heard of other people going through the same thing. I guess I never realized how much we as a human race rely on human interaction and contact to keep us mentally well.
If you are feeling depressed, lonely, isolated, or have self harm feelings, please talk to someone or call your healthcare provider.
Remember we all matter to someone