One of the hardest things I had to experience while pregnant with Emersyn was loosing my Grandma. I understand that loosing someone you love is really just feeling I can’t even describe or put into words. My grandma was one of the strongest most stubborn people I know. She didn’t beat around the bush with anything she thought. It use to kill me sometimes how honest she was. But I can say without a doubt that she is the absolute best person to be a guardian angel for my baby. Now she clearly wouldn’t be my first choice but I know now that God needed her more than we did here.
The hardest thing about loosing her was the lack of time I had to prepare myself for all the things I would miss about her and all the things she would miss. I know that when loosing someone you feel that there is never enough time left but sadly within a month or so we realized that grandma wasn’t actually going to get better but that she was quickly declining. In my mind if she could just hang on a few more months Emersyn would be here. I selfishly could only think about her not being able to meet my baby that would be her first great grandchild. Or the fact that she would never hold her, or see her smile, or hear her sweet little laugh. But what I didn’t realize was the fact that she would be able to watch over her, see her through our scary delivery and give her a sweet birthmark on the back of her head. Like she kissed her on the way out. I am slowly learning to grieve the other life events that I am missing her touch or voice.
I was unable to go to her funeral due to being too pregnant to travel. But about a little less than a month ago I was able to take Emersyn to the cemetery to meet her Angel. Not how I pictured the first time they would meet but it felt like Emersyn already knew her so well.