Once I was diagnosed with cholestasis, my 3rd trimester became an emotional roller coaster for me. I was going to my OB twice a week for non stress tests to monitor little man. Though it was super nice to hear his heart beat so frequently, I was also so nervous every time I went.
I constantly thought, what happens if he is not okay? What happens if he is under stress? What happens if they rush me to delivery today? It was such a relief every time I was told he was okay until the next appointment. I was constantly worried. I cried a lot to Chad. I was an emotional mess. I read so many stories of heart break and I just couldn’t imagine. My heart goes out to any Momma who has experienced that heart break.
And then there was the itching. Even with the medication my skin did not stop feeling like it was crawling. It was so bad at night. I used to get into the shower before I would go to bed and turn the water super hot and essentially scold my skin, then turn the water to super cold and freeze it. I would then use an anti itch for eczema body wash while doing that. I would get out of the shower and apply this thick lotion that was anti itch and get dressed quickly, lay down in bed and pray I fell asleep before the itching became extremely bad.
I tried to stay the most positive that I could an enjoy my third trimester but it was hard. So many tears shed for worry and for uncomfortableness. I started just telling myself surviving another week was one week closer to little mans lungs being fully developed and ready for delivery. I was so fearful internally. Fear of something happening, fear of being a new mom, and fear of the delivery process.
My OB and I had discussed that I would be induced at 37 weeks once his lungs were ready. My goal was to just make it to that with no complications. I would lay in bed every evening, rub my belly and tell Chase, buddy we can do this. All you have to do is tell Mommy everyday you are okay. Just grow big and strong, that’s all you have to do and Mommy will do the rest.
Having cholestasis was really hard. Like I said it took a huge emotional toll on me and Chad as well. He says to this day that it was so hard to watch me go through that and be so uncomfortable for so long. He was very fearful to the future as well. He kept me sane and was my person to lean on and pull me out of that dark fearful hole that I fell into multiple times. Because of what we went through, we are very unsure of having another child. We are very thankful and blessed to have one healthy child who is our entire world.
If you feel you are suffering from symptoms of cholestasis please contact your health care provider who is managing your pregnancy immediately.
Up next will be my birth story and being induced at 37 weeks